>Douches, dogs, and the teachers’ lounge

>I have discovered that, for many middle school students, there has been one curiosity that has remained constant over the years: What exactly does go on in the teachers’ lounge? Students often try to sneak in behind me at lunch time while asking, “Hey, what’s in there?” or “What do you guys do in there?” Sometimes I make up lies and tell them the door in the corner is a secret passage way to Narnia, or that we take turns reading aloud from the “Note- Notebook” that we keep under the sink- I then go on to explain that this fictional notebook contains all of the notes we have confiscated from students over the years.

To be honest, by the time lunch rolls around, if we get a chance to eat at all, we just sit and stare at each other with a look of desperation and despair on our faces. Occasionally, we muster up enough energy to have exciting conversations like the one we had today about… wait for it… …. mowing the lawn. It didn’t take long for our discussion to take a turn for the worst.

Teacher 1: “It just takes a long time to mow our lawn because my husband has to pick up the dog poop first. I asked him once, ‘Can’t we just leave it? Doesn’t it just fertilize the lawn?’ He told me he didn’t want it sprayed all over the side of the house’.”

Teacher 2: “See I’m lucky. We have our dog trained so well that when she has to go, I just hold the scooper down and she goes right in it, and then I just throw it away.”

Teacher 1: “Wow! What kind of dog do you have? My dog’s douches are really big?”

Me: “What?”

Teacher 1: “My dog has really big douches?”

Me: “Douches? Don’t you mean deuces?”

Teacher 1: “Oh my God. That’s what I meant. Her deuces.”

Me: “Oh good. I was going to say, you reeeeally take care of your dog.”


3 responses to “>Douches, dogs, and the teachers’ lounge

  1. >My students are still in the "i'm in awe that teachers are real people and eat food too" stage to worry too much about what goes on in the staff lounge…

  2. >Good God, thank you for this blog.I'm a supply teacher, and have had many lunches where I only have the energy to sit in a dark classroom with my head on the desk. Or lunches where I stare at the regular teachers wondering how they still have life force.

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