Sad Fact: As a middle school teacher, it is not that uncommon to see underpants on a daily basis. Although “sagging” is not allowed, many of our students dress themselves in the morning, which results in many a fashion faux pas. After school today, I saw an image that has left a permanent scar on my retinas.
The crime scene: The Staff Parking Lot.
While approaching my car I noticed a woman standing by her car, which was parked just a couple of spaces over. I took a minute to dig in my bag for my keys, but when I looked up—well, I wasn’t sure what I was seeing. I quickly ducked behind a car and made my way back to a coworker who was putting her things into her car.
Me: Oh my God. I don’t know what’s going on. I just saw a woman standing by her car and she was… well… I’m not sure what she was going, but I saw a whole lot of leg and a whole lot of underpants.
Coworker: (Looks at me like I’m crazy.)
Me: (I peek back over my shoulder towards my car then back to my coworker.) Okay. Don’t look now, but over by my car, there’s this woman and she’s… rather large, and well… she was standing next to her car and I thought she was going to get in, but instead she stood facing the wind and completely pulled her skirt up over her head. I saw everything: her legs, her giant underpants, her stomach… I saw like… all the way up to her boobs. I don’t know what she’s doing. Now, don’t be obvious, but can you see her? Is she still there?
Coworker: (Peering through the windows of her car.) I don’t know what she’s doing. Wait, now she’s rocking.
We look over to the woman, who at this point has her entire skirt hiked all the way up to her arm pits, and is facing her car, rocking her hips back and forth as if she’s… trying to catch a breeze? I don’t know. At this point, I’m at a loss. I duck back behind the car because I have a case of the giggles, and really don’t want to be seen.
Coworker: Oh..Oh.. now there’s rubbing. I look back through the window and to be honest, I’m not sure what I’m seeing. The woman’s skirt is still hiked up to her armpits, her underpants exposed to the world, and she’s shaking? rubbing? ringing out the front of her skirt? Who knows.
I can’t take it anymore and duck back down to stifle my laughter.
Coworker: Okay. She’s done. She’s in. She’s in the car. And she’s wearing no pants.
I pop my head back up, and sure enough, the woman has completely removed her skirt, in the middle of the school parking lot, and is now siting in the driver’s seat, with the door wide open, and she is in fact, not wearing any pants.