Random Stuff With a Side of Porn

Here are some random conversations that have taken place over the past couple of days:

Sometimes when I have my classroom windows and door open at the same time, it causes a wind tunnel in my room. On really windy days, like yesterday, my ceiling tiles will catch the breeze, lift up an inch or so, then slam back down into place.

Student: “Miss Lewis, what was that?”

Me: “Oh, you know. Sometimes when I have a really naughty student, I hogtie them then shove them up into the ceiling so they can think about the bad choices they’ve made.”

Student: “Oh. You mean like B–?”  (B—is a student who is currently suspended for fighting last week.)

Me: “Yes. Like B—he’s going to be up there for a while because he has some serious thinking to do.”

After that, every time the tiles slammed, the students would look up at the ceiling and yell, “Cut it out B—!”

Today, there was less wind so the ceiling was quiet.

Student: “Miss Lewis, B—is really quiet today.”

Me: “That’s because he’s doing some serious thinking. He’s seen the error of his way.”

Student: “Good. No offense, but he was kind of a turd.”

Yesterday, while students were working on the rough drafts of their essays, a student whom I thought was thinking really hard to come up with a good introductory paragraph suddenly says:

Student 1: “Miss Lewis, sometimes I wish I were a dog so I could play fetch with myself.”

Me: “Well, it’s good to have goals.”

Student 2: “Dogs don’t play fetch with themselves.”

Student 1: “Uh huh. The smart ones do. See…”

Student 1 then puts his pencil in his mouth, whips his head to the side tossing the pencil to the floor, and then looks at it.

Me: “Isn’t this the part where you actually fetch it?”

Student 1: “Nah. That’s too much work.”

My favorite conversation of the week actually occurred today in our staff meeting. We had spent a couple of minutes sharing a personal and a professional success stories in small groups and now it was time for a couple of volunteers to share out with the whole staff.

Teacher 1: “I feel like I’ve accomplished something because I started listening to audio books on my way to and from school and it makes the drive less dreadful. I’ve already completed two novels. I’ve got to say, that after our last guest speaker was here and he mentioned John Irving, I decided to listen to one of his books. I haven’t read one of his books in a long time, and I’ve got to say, John Irving has become pretty pornographic.”

Teacher 2: “No wonder you like to listen to your books.”

Principal: “Now that you mention it, I did see you circling the block three times yesterday before school started.”

Teacher 1: “Seriously, Last night in Twisted River. Read it.”

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