Hey Twilight Fans. This is for you.  

Me: So, how many of you Twihards are going to stay up for the midnight showing of Breaking Dawn?

Student: Why would I want to watch a movie about a girl who has to choose between a necrophiliac and bestiality?

Me: And we’re done.

And for the rest of you reading this, here’s a little something…

I was walking back from the lunch room, and as I passed the boys restroom, I overheard one of my students talking rather loudly.

Student: So what. I like to drink fried chicken.

I stop in my tracks, back up and pause, a little awkwardly, next to the restroom entrance. I don’t hear anything so I decide to keep going. Just as I take a step I hear…

Student: And then I inject watermelons.

Hmmm… kids are weird.

Last but not least…

Yesterday I found some kid’s paper mache  art project on the floor in the hallway. (It was a cereal box, covered in paper mache, painted to look like a face… I would have given it a solid C.) To prevent it from being destroyed, I picked it up and set it on the chalk board tray in my room. Later that day I found out who it belonged to and he told me he didn’t want and I could throw it away. Instead, I auctioned it of in my first period today. It sold for 7 SOAR tickets (which are the equivalent of “I was caught doing something good” dollars.)

Now I am making it my personal mission, to find random crap around the school building to auction off.

Today when I told the student that I sold his art project for 7 SOAR tickets, he said:

Student: I know. You gave it to that crazy girl who stalks me. Seriously. She’s crazy.

Now that I think about it, I can totally see that. Luckily, she forgot to take it home, and by the end of the day, another student saw it in my room and punched a hole in its face.

I wonder if she’ll want her SOAR tickets back…


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