Favorite Student Quotes

Favorite Student Quotes

Student: “Miss Lewis, do you have any kids?”

Me: “No. I’m not even married.”

Student: “Well, you’re never sick. You must have a lot of sick days piled up.”

Me: “That’s true. I do. Why?”

Student: “I think you should like, take a year off, get married and have a kid.”

Me: “If only that’s how life worked my friend.”

Me: “Oh, this is an easy one. A 4-letter word that is a baby kangaroo.”

Students: Stare at me with blank faces.

Me: “It’s also a boy’s name.”

Students: Blank faces.

Me: …”and a character on Friends.”

Student: “Oh. Phoebe!”

Student: “You know, Miss Lewis, I can’t really think of any activity we’ve done in this class that I didn’t like. Of course you should also know that I have really low standards for fun.”

Student: “Hey Miss Lewis, you’re a Libra?  How do you know?”

Me: “Because my birthday’s October 16th. Your Zodiac sign is based on your birthday.”

Student: “I guess I knew that. I’m not sure what my sign is, but my dad’s a feces.”

Me: “I’m pretty sure he’s a pisces.”

Student:  “Miss Lewis, J– is a total blonde.  She just used your lotion as hand soap.”

Me:  “Don’t judge.  Maybe she wanted to get clean and moisturize at the same time.”

—-

Student:  “I just realized that you really notice things about people when you actually look at them.”

—-

Student:  “Shut up.  I don’t see what is hot about my mom at all.”

—-

Student:  “Miss Lewis, I don’t have to stay here for ever tonight.  I get to go home after school gets out, then come back for my concert.”

Me:  “Well that’s good.  It will be nice to have some time for yourself.”

Student:  “Yah.  I hate it here.”

Me:  “You do not.  You love it here.”

Student:  “That’s true.  I love it here.  It’s like my home.”

Me:  “That’s really nice.”

Student:  “It’s like my home.  It’s like a jungle.  It reminds me of my elfin home.”

Me:  “You’re weird.  I’m going to go stand over there now.”  (Did I mention that this student thinks she is an elf?  A woodland spirit?  … at least she’s stopped writing her elfin name on her papers.)

—-

Student:  “Hey Miss Lewis.  What are we going to do today?”

Me:  “Well, we’re going to read Hunger Games like it aint nobody’s business… or until I pass out.”

Student:  “Sweet!!!   I’m so going to tweet that.”

Me:  Hee hee hee… if only you knew…

—-

I walked into another classroom and overheard a couple of kids talking:

Student 1: “Really?  What kind was it?  Because my mom has some really nasty tasting wine coolers.  They are like nasty-ass nasty.”

Student 2:  “Well, you can also mix Jager and Monster.  That will really f–k you up.”

—-

While reading Catching Fire  of the Hunger Games series, I read:

Me: “Haymitch emerged from the woods holding in his intestines.”

A student, who has the complete look of repulsion: “Oh, Miss Lewis,  I thought you said he was holding in his testicles.”

—-

Student (calls me over and whispers):  “Miss Lewis, you do know what they mean when they say ‘B.B.F.’ don’t you? Best Biatch Forever!”

—-

While playing a game of Scattergories: (topic- “type of fish”, letter- “T”)

Student: “Oh, oh. Twat!  Oh wait.  I was thinking things that smell like fish.”

—-

Student:  “Miss Lewis, I’m done with my blog post for today. How do you save it?”

Me:  “Are you ready to post it? or do you want to save it as a draft.”

Student:  “Save it as a draft. I’m not done.”

Me: “Oh sure. Let me show you.  You just put your name here, and your topic in the ‘lables’ section–”

Student: “Can you just save it quickly and stop talking?”

—-
Student: “We’re supposed to have flying cars by now. We’re so behind.”

Me: “Wait, who says we’re supposed to have flying cars?”

Student: “The past.”

—-
Student1: “Miss Lewis, you have clown hair. The way it is curly and hangs down.”

Student 2: “That’s really mean. Miss Lewis is nice. Why would you say that?”

Student 1: “Okay. Well… all I meant was… Well…with your long hair, you look like Benjamin Franklin did… if he were a clown.”

Student 2: “I think you should just stop talking.”

Student 1: “What? I had to be honest. I haven’t told her all year.”

(Ironically, this was the same student whom I referred to as the Abominable Snowman in an earlier blog post. Touche karma, touche.)
—–

Me: “Our new word is “sensational.” We had the word “sensation” when we read “Flowers for Algernon.” We talked about how Charlie would be quite the sensation after his brain surgery.”

Student: “That’s not what you said. You talked a lot about Justin Bieber. You said he was the greatest sensation ever.”

Me: “That’s right. And don’t you forget it.”
—-
Student: “You can’t be pregnant and go to college.”

Entire Class in unison: “Yes you can.”

Student from before: “You can be pregnant and go to college! Who said that?”
—–

A Typical 8th grade spat:
Student 1: “Shut your face, or I’ll shut it for you.”

Student 2: “You shut your nostrils.”

Student 3: “Oh, that’s a good one!”

Student 4: “Miss Lewis, what are nostrils?”
—–

Student 1: “I think it’s kind of sad that people get so excited about Black Friday.”

Student 2: “Black Friday? What? That’s racist.”

Student 1: “No it’s not. I would just hate to be the one who got Black Friday named after him.”

Me: “What are you talking about?”

Student 1: “Don’t they call it Black Friday because that one guy got trampled at Walmart last year?”

—–
Student: “Miss Lewis, this is a beef and bean burrito conversation. Nachos! I just made that up.”

Me: “You don’t say.”
—–

Me: “No. I did not have a cell phone when I was in 8th grade.”

Student: “Right. They didn’t have those back in the ’50s.”
(For the record, I was born in 1977)
—–

Student: “Miss Lewis, you’re room actually smells good today… except for over by the pencil sharpener. Over there it’s like a cloud of bad breath.”
—–

As I stood at the door greeting my 1st Block, a student came up beside me, made sure no one was looking, and pulled a small metal object out of his pocket.

Student: “Miss Lewis, that book you gave me is so good, I brought my book light so I could read it on the bus.” (Thank you Suzanne Collins & your Hunger Games series!)
—–

Me: “My birthday was Saturday. I’m telling you, October is a great month to be born in.”

Student: “Oh, and don’t forget it’s also birth cancer awareness month.”
—–

Student: “Miss Lewis, E- made me pee on my hand.”

Me: “He made you pee on your hand, or you were messing around and peed on yourself?”

Student: “No. He made me do it.”

Me: “Well, Did you at least wash your hands with soap and water?”

Student: “I washed this hand.”

Me: “How do you wash one hand with soap and water? You know what? Let’s just rewash both of them for everyone’s safety.”
—–

Student: “Miss Lewis, do you like J. Lo?”

Me: “No. Not really.”

Student: “Why not? Aren’t you Mexican?”

Me: “No… and neither is J. Lo.”

Student: “What?”
—–

A veteran teacher’s advice to me: The key to teaching middle school is this: “If the students don’t meet your standards, you just need to lower your standards.”
(I hope that man is retired.)
—–

Me: “J-! We do not smother our classmate’s heads in our bosom!”

Student: “Well you tell him to quit pulling on my weave!”
—–

Student: “Miss Lewis? Why does your class have to suck so much?”

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9 responses to “Favorite Student Quotes

    • I don’t think he got it from the movie, or the books because I had this student back in 2001. On the other hand, I wouldn’t be surprised if he got it from somewhere though. He was a funny kid, but not that witty. 🙂

  1. “Best Laughs of 2011 Award goes to….
    ClassroomConfessions.com, Favorite Student Quotes!!”
    I am now laughing so hard I can’t stop…and the tears are streaming down my face.

    • Kim, thanks for reading. It’s going to be a long summer without students… but I’m going to enjoy every minute of it. It takes a couple of months to recover from all of this… excitement. 🙂

  2. the booklight comment was great, so endearing. my 13 year old just confided to me that kids really do like to read, its just super uncool to be seen doing it around your peers unfortunately.

    • Thanks for reading.
      I agree. There are many kids who will admit they like to read, but so many more who won’t. Personally, I hated reading until I was in 8th grade. I just hadn’t found the right books. Now it’s really fun to not only see my 8th graders reading, but to hear them talking about their books outside of the classroom- that’s my absolute favorite.

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