Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone!
I will admit, I was a little nervous when I arrived at school for early morning duty and was greeted by a cafeteria full of kids double fisting pixie sticks down their throats. For the most part, however, it turned out to be a pretty mild day. This whole week, for that matter, has gone by without incident. Sort of.
I did have a strange interaction yesterday. A student came into my room and I noticed she had two giant opened bags of Cheetos and Takis. I told her to go put them in her locker, and after spending way too much time explaining why was her best and only option for her snacks, aside from storing them in my trash can, she finally complied. At this point another student, who had been standing next to my desk watching this interaction, piped up.
Student: “Miss Lewis, is she going to her locker?”
Me: “Yep. She’s going to put her snacks away.”
Student: “I have something in my locker. I have a lighter in my locker. Is that okay?”
Me: “No that is not okay. Go take your seat.”
Student: “Because I do. I do have a lighter in my locker. A big one too.”
Me: “Still not okay. Go take your seat.”
He took his seat, got out his notebook and started his warm up.
I quickly typed a “P—– jut told me he has a lighter in his locker. He’s in my classroom right now. I’ll let you investigate” email to my principal. She showed up a couple of minute later to gather the student. He did not return.
It turns out he did have a lighter. A giant propane gas grill lighter. Awesome.
Aside from that incident, this week has been fairly mild. The highlight of my week was today’s warm up. It had a Valentine’s Day theme.
HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!
Complete Miss Lewis’s Top 10 list of cheesy, PG rated, pick up lines by coming up with your own for numbers 3, 2, and 1.
10. Baby, if you were words on a page, you’d be what they call FINE PRINT!
9. If you were a booger, I’d pick you first.
8. I don’t have a library card, but do you mind if I check you out?
7. If you were a burger at McDonald’s, you’d be McGorgeous.
6. I wanna live in your socks so I can be with you every step of the way.
5. My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can’t hold it in.
4. Hey… Didn’t I see your name in the dictionary under “Shazaam!”?
Here are a few of the ones I collect from my students:
Your face, I like that.
Come live in my heart. I won’t even charge you rent.
The best smell in the world is your smell.
If you were a potato, you’d be a good potato.
I hear you’re good at Algebra. Can you replace my x without asking y?
I’ve got the beans, if you to the rice. Dinner with you would be nice.
Can I get your picture? I need to prove to all of my friends that angels do exist.
I need to ask Siri for directions because I just lost in your eyes.
Well, here I am. What are your other two wishes?
Now I know why the sky was so grey today… all the blue is in your eyes.
I’d kiss a frog for you. Even if there was no promise of Prince Charming popping out of it.
You just made me legally blind with your beauty.
Is your father a baker? Because you have nice buns.
Hey girl, feel my sweater. Know what it’s made of? Boyfriend material. (This was one of my favorites.)
On a scale of 1-10, you’re a 9 and I’m the 1 you need.
If a fat man puts you in a bag at night, don’t worry. I told Santa I wanted you for Christmas.
I want to be in your footsteps all the way up the flight of stairs.
Are you a tamale? Because you’re hot.
I’m not from around here. Can I have directions… to your heart?
Don’t walk into a building; The sprinklers will go off.
Baby, are you a broom, because you just swept me of my feet.
Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I need to walk by again.
Did you fart? Because you just blew me away.
I must be in heaven because you’re an angel.
Are you a parking ticket? Because you’ve got fine written all over you.
Somebody better call God cuz he’s missing an angel.
The following were ones that didn’t meet the “share your answers with the class” cut.
You turn my software into hardware.
Your body is a wonderland and I want to be Alice.
Do you eat tacos? Well, my Taco Bell is open.
If you were homework, I’d do you on the table.